If you can read this, where were you ten minutes ago when it really mattered?

Well, my daddy left home when I was born
Didn't leave ma much other than scorn
And a laser sword for a crazy desert spook
Now, I don't blame him 'cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me "Luke."

He must've thought that it was quite a joke
And it got lots of laughs from a lot of folks
Seems I spent my whole life going nuke
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
Some fella'd laugh and I'd bust his head
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Luke"

I grew up quick and I grew up mean
My fists got hard and my wits got keen
Moving from sector to sector to hide my shame
I made me a vow to the moon and stars
I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill the man who gave me that awful name

It was Bespin, oh around mid-July
I'd hit the clouds and my throat was dry
Thought I'd stop and not act like a kook
At an old saloon on the carbon block
At a table to play sabacc
The scruffy-looking nerf-herder who named me "Luke."

I knew that wampa was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture my mother had
Knew him by that scar on his cheek and his evil eye
He was big and bent and gray and old
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said "My name is Luke!  You make me puke!
"Now you gonna die!"

That's what I told him.
I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down but to my surprise
He took out a sword and cut of a piece of my hand
I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and gouging like we'd both grown up in sand

I tell you, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when
He kicked like a bantha and bit like the sarlaac pit
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss
And he went for his gun and I pulled mine first
He stood there lookin' at me and I knew he'd quit

He said, "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I knew I wouldn't be there to help you along
So I give you that name and I said goodbye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's that name that helped to make you strong

"Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me and you got the right
To kill me now, and it wouldn't be a fluke
But you ought to thank me, before I die
For the gravel in your guts and the spit in your eye
Because I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Luke"

Yeah, what could I do?  What could I do?
I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
I called him my pa and he called me a son
And I knew I'd learned a lot from that rebuke
I think about him, now and then
Every time I try and every time I win
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him...
Jar-Jar!

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□ [“Trump Teases Upcoming Release on UFO Files:  Things ‘You Wouldn’t Believe’"]

He said he'd release the Epstein files on "day one" and look how that worked out.  I'm tempted to look back through my coverage of Trump and see if he's ever hyped something like this and it actually turned out interesting and relevant.  Nothing is coming to mind.  He certainly couldn't hype how he was going to hit Venezuela and I don't recall offhand how much the public was readied for what happened.  For that matter, look at how Venezuela has been ignored for the last four months.

There's no timeline for when the release will happen, I will give him credit that this probably means sooner rather than later.  If he actually puts out anything relevant, I'd guess it'll be in the next week or so, maybe even sooner.  There's also a good chance that it's not going to be relevant, few people will give it any attention and it's not going to be anything dramatic like meeting aliens or proof of space ships arriving in the near-future.

My guess is it'll be mostly pictures and details about events that can't really be explained.  Unidentified aircraft in places where there's not supposed to be any, strange lights or symbols with unknown origins, stuff like that.  50-year old photos of some odd creature in the distance and an article about two different people investigating it, 'I thought that as you!'  What was it?

I think there is something out there but I'm very skeptical that it's actual aliens as we know the concept.  I don't think there are any, at least none that would be relevant to earthlings.  No one is getting in a spaceship to travel trillions of miles to meet us.  I suspect whatever has been seen is closer to ghosts or spirits, basically impossible to measure in any meaningful way.  But Trump needs to stop doing this hype.  He won't of course, he's Trump, but it just doesn't look good.

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□ [“Trump Threatens To Reduce US Troops in Germany, Italy and Spain - 5,000 Troops Already Leaving Germany"]

I'm not totally in favor of this idea because I support the US as 'world policeman' but I'm certainly fine with showing these countries what they've set themselves up for.  FAFO exists for a reason.  Germany has only 13 years left to actually build a competent military, Italy and Spain probably have even less chance of making that happen.  Neither does the rest of NATO for that matter.

□ [“Trump Slaps 25% Tariff on European Union Cars, Says Bloc Not Complying with Trade Deal"]

Haven't heard much about tariffs for a year or so.  That's because most nations ran to start negotiating new deals with us, that would be the deal Trump is complaining about here.  I'm not a car-expert so I can't even name any European cars other than the expensive flashy ones, do they make anything else that Americans buy?  There's also Volkswagens, that's something.  But otherwise this sounds like a way to make the companies charge more money from their rich customers who might have something to say.

□ [“U.S. National Debt Surpasses Over 100% of GDP — No Reduction in Sight"]

Not an immediate crisis but that's the thing, they don't require much time to happen.  It's not like we've seen this coming for a long time.  I assume that this has been part of the plan for the last year and a half although it's not clear how Trump and a Republican-run Congress haven't been able to cut spending to stay below this.  Or maybe they could, they just chose not to.  I'm certainly not an economist so I don't have a clue how long we have but that's also part of Trump's deals with Europe and everyone else.  They're in the same mess.

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□ [“Star Wars:  Heir to the Empire | Full Movie | No A.I.]

If that's not A.I. then what the hell is it?  It's not remotely real and is much less believable than actual A.I. videos.  I don't mean that as a complaint, I would rather see a returned to standard cartooning.  It does cause problems here because the sets and characters look too fake to be believable yet to simplified to make use of animation's potential.  I've only watched the first scene and Thrawn's office looks very empty.  The scenes from the space battle look cartoony in a bad way.  Even the first Star Wars worked for drama and effect, while the space-battles in Return of the Jedi were so well done that Lucas didn't bother adding cgi to the 1997 re-release.

But I've been expecting this.  If there's anything Star Wars fans would love to see, it's a movie version of the Timothy Zahn trilogy which is really where the franchise was reborn.  Even I know those books well enough to see how close this is and am more than a little tempted to just watch the thing.  Thinking about it, I probably won't see it in one sitting but I probably will, piece by piece, just to see if it works.

I still have to wonder if there is some very distant part of Disney pushing this, trying to figure out what to do with the franchise now.  Even this has its good and bad side, this is the best possible material to use.  We see that in comics where you just can't turn eighty years of crap into a fun movie so once you've used up the best stuff, it's just downhill.  The fandom was willing to be obsessed with tons of details about characters that weren't in the original three movies but the rest of us aren't.  With anyone else, just change the name and a few details and there's no reason to put a "Star Wars" logo on it.

There's also another problem, what if someone decides this movie wasn't done the right way so they do their own adaptation of the Zahn trilogy.  Very few people will waste time comparing the two versions, much less anything else that comes out.  This is the franchise equivalent of Koch's Snowflake, an equilateral triangle inside a circle.  To each side of the triangle, another triangle is added, half the size of the original.  The same thing is done to each smaller triangle, again and again.  The shape becomes very complicated, yet it never extends outside of the circle, which represents the amount of attention the audience will give this franchise.  That's what the franchises are facing, especially if they start using A.I. to create more material.

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Now that Peter has graduated high school, Ditko spends the next several issues developing the equivalent effect on Spidey.  He starts #29 with the Scorpion escaping jail to get revenge, specifically aiming for JJJ who put him in this condition.  At the Bugle, Foswell is investigating the Cat Burglar and says there's not much else going on, the "lull before the storm."  Peter sees Betty looking happier than she has in ages and it's because Ned Leeds has returned.

Jameson is the first target which Spidey is almost too late to figure out.  Most of the issue is a battle sequence, recapping their first fight in #20.  There's some attention to JJJ for needing to hide how he's responsible for this.  Betty is naturally terrified but at least Ned is here to protect her, which Peter is disappointed to learn at the end of the story.  Aunt May looks totally fine, then nearly faints on the last page.  But this must be hidden from Peter because she's about telling the truth.

#30 follows up on this, focusing on the Cat Burglar.  He's just a generic burglar but this is where Lee and Ditko's problems become the most obvious.  There's also a series of crimes going on in the city.  This was actually setting up the next issue but Stan didn't know that, so his dialogue has them discussing how they work for the Cat Burglar.

As much support as Ditko deserves, there's a point where you need to tell the people you work with what you're doing.  He turned these pages in as pencils, then received them back with Stan's dialogue added and did the inking.  The problem is right in front of him and he's the only one who can fix it.  At least include notes on the page so Stan clearly knows what he's looking at.

The story isn't specifically about the identity of the villain but it's similar.  During the fight, the Cat Burglar managed to get away from Spidey.  He didn't get far but the police have already arrived so it's obvious they'll find him, which they do.  It's not that different from previous issues where he unmasked the villain and admitted he had no idea who this guy was.

JJJ gets attention, the story opens with him being robbed by the Cat Burglar.  The second time in two issues he's the target of the villain and responds with massive self-publicity.  Also notable is that Peter runs into Liz Allen on the street.  The street is strangely empty and thinking about it, Ditko often did that in New York City.  Anyway, she mentions that she got a job and is now a normal working-girl - what about her rich father? - and says she's being stalked by Flash Thompson so Peter does the nice thing and handles that.

This is also about moving Betty to the next step of her storyline.  Ned has proposed to her and she rushes to tell Peter.  She insists she wants a normal man, so he storms out angrily.  They are now officially broken up although neither of them really accept that.  For Betty, it's about the secrets Peter is hiding.  She keeps trying to call him and he refuses to answer.  He also refuses to talk to her at the end of the story, shown that Spider-Man is keeping them apart.  And Aunt May is still getting sicker.

This brings us to the "Master Planner" trilogy which is generally considered the high-point of Ditko's run.  This is probably reinforced by the fact that the cover-dates are December 1965-February 1966.  For Marvel, this was immediately followed over in Fantastic Four when they faced Galactus March-May 1966.  When fans talk about the "Marvel Age," this is the sort of thing they're referring to.

Those mysterious criminals in the previous issue actually work for the Master Planner.  They steal scientific equipment and return it to his giant base underwater.  This must be in New York Harbor - it's very close to the shoreline - how the f*ck do you build a giant base like that with nobody noticing?  #32 will reveal that the Master Planner is actually Doctor Octopus.  It's not clear who he's hiding his identity from in this hidden base nobody knows about.  It must work pretty well, the opening scene has Spidey fighting some of them, crashes their helicopter into the water, they have vanished and he doesn't consider that maybe they swam away.

Peter goes through amusing hassles with college registration, he's already seen Flash Thompson, then as he's getting ready for bed, it becomes obvious that Aunt May is sick.  She passes out and needs to go to the hospital.  And that's how Peter starts school.  We are now introduced to Harry Osborn, about whom we learn nothing, and Gwen Stacy, who was a high school cheerleader and beauty queen.  Flash is willing to introduce them to Peter, showing that he's grown up at least a little bit, but Peter is paying no attention to anyone, thinking only about Aunt May.  Good first impression there.

His first class has Flash and Gwen sitting right next to him, Gwen is already interested in someone who isn't throwing themselves at her.  Gwen and Harry are both in the next class, chemistry - really? - where she tries talking to him and gets little attention.  They play a prank on him, Peter gets blamed for not paying attention, now everybody at college is learning to hate him too.  Ok, he's got problems, but he really does deserve this.  He rushes to the hospital, May asks how school is going, he says his classmates are a "swell bunch."

The bills add up, Spidey can't find any crime to take pictures of and now Peter isn't getting any sleep so he continues to ignore everybody.  Eventually Frederick Foswell, in his secret identity, finds out that the Master Planner's goons are stealing some equipment and notifies Spidey who is able to stop it.  Gwen still keeps trying to throw herself at Peter who ignores her.  Betty has refused to answer Ned's proposal because she wants to talk to Peter first.  Ned is fine with being the 'back-up.'  As #32 starts, he tries to talk to Peter about this who bashes him into a wall.  Maturity can be a hard thing to reach sometimes.

This is the last part of Peter's role in the story until the end.  May's doctors have found that her illness was caused by radioactive particles in her blood, which Peter gave her back in #10.  Yet another sign that Ditko really did have this planned, even building on it for the drama that yet-again Peter causes the death of a loved one.  Or Spider-Man does, depending on how you look at it.

Another old story gets brought back, Peter remembers Doc Connors from #6, who is somehow the only person who can do anything about this.  Can't Reed Richards help?  Even Dr. Strange, who's also a medical doctor?  Anyway, Peter makes numerous long-distance calls, only to find that Connors has moved back to NYC.  He steals Aunt May's blood sample and rushes to Connors' laboratory, which must have a very public address.  He interrupts whatever Connors is working on but Connors is so grateful for the help he got that it doesn't matter, he dumps everything to work on this for Spidey.

Connors read somewhere about some expensive serum which will cure May, Peter spends all his money on it, Spidey helps Connors prepare, then the Master Planner's goons steal it on arrival.  Spidey is now angry enough to chase after criminals, beating up anyone who might help, which eventually leads him to the Master Planner's base.  But Doc Ock is waiting for him.  But Ock has absolutely no chance of beating him in this state and runs away like a sissy.

The base is collapsing.  Spidey is left stuck under heavy machinery, the serum in front of him, as the roof breaks and water starts leaking through.  This is one of the most noted scenes in comics for a reason so I won't criticize it, other than to add that it really is a lengthy version of the standard superhero victory, that *this time* he's strong enough to handle it, unlike all the previous times.  That's a small complaint though.  If you've read this far, even if you have no clue who Ditko or Lee are, you're vested enough in Spidey's adventures that the results are very engaging.

Doc Ock has escaped but his goons are captured, Connors can finish the serum.  Spidey takes some effort to finish this mission, pictures, reporting to the police and Foswell.  May does start healing and Peter finally has it out with Betty that this is what he does.  She doesn't want to handle the danger and worries.  It's quite effective and the story ends with Peter happily leaving the hospital with news that May is getting better.  Even the ending is very good, the doctor closing the curtains and thinking people should be more like normal people, such as Peter, and not Spider-Man.

For all intents and purposes, this is where Betty's story ends.  She'll only appear in one more issue of Ditko's run, the beginning of #34.  I'm sure he intended it to go a different way than the results but Stan Lee had to start making more decisions and didn't want that, so this does effectively work as the end of the storyline, at least for most readers.  I will continue to speculate where I think Ditko was going but we never got to see that.

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