"Life and Polonia" (2011)

"Double" (2012)

From October 2010:
 

I don't know what Democrats are so worried about. They’re not all having tough elections. You don't hear about any sudden upset ready to happen in Nancy Pelosi's district, do you? No awkward stories of someone from her campaign looking foolish.

I don't know what Democrats are so worried about. Look at the long list of legislative achievements they’re able to brag about, and the way they triumphed over the filibuster under such heroic circumstances.

I don't know what Democrats are worried about.  By now most people have gone through two or three divorces, so they know what it's like to buy a house and lose it to someone else.

I don't know what Democrats are so worried about. They should have expected there would be tough fights for seats in long-time battleground states such as Massachusetts, Illinois and California.

Any other President? Woodrow Wilson had a stroke trying to get his agenda implemented. FDR looked horrible by the fourth term. Kennedy was shot! And they all had wars to run too. They had a world in flux, nation in crisis, economic problems, the usual crap. But a guy who hasn't made it to his first mid-terms suffers more than any other President, according to his oldest surviving predecessor?
Like I say, I don't know what the Democrats are worried about.

"Crash Boom Bam" by Roxette 

"Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me" by Weird Al Yankovic 

"Street of Dreams" by Guns'n'Roses 

"I've Done Everything For You" by Sammy Hagar 

"Life and Polonia" (2011)

"Double" (2012)


From 2011, the Gabrielle Giffords shooting:

Christopher Woerner thinks Ozzy and Sarah Palin should record a song and see how many people they can inspire.

January 13 at 7:03pm

Did anybody check John Loughner's iPod?  I’d bet Tipper Gore would disapprove of his listening preferences. 

Christopher Woerner wants to see blood 'n gore 'n guts, veins in his teeth.  Eat dead burnt bodies.  I mean kill!

January 13 at 7:08pm

Will NPR play that song this Thanksgiving?

Christopher Woerner is trying to decide between Ozzy Osbourne's "Suicide Solution", Judas Priest's "Stained Class" or the Beatles’ "Helter Skelter".  Sometimes you just need to be in the right mood for something, you know.

January 14 at 9:19am

Irrelevant, but funny: Metallica's warning label for Master of Puppets: THE ONLY TRACK YOU PROBABLY WON'T WANT TO PLAY IS "DAMAGE, INC." DUE TO THE MULTIPLE USE OF THE INFAMOUS "F" WORD.  OTHERWISE, THERE AREN'T ANY "SHITS," "FUCKS," "PISSES," "CUNTS," "MOTHERFUCKERS," OR "COCKSUCKERS" ANYWHERE ON THIS RECORD

…and the boy laughed at the town again.  The next day, he actually DID see Sarah Palin close to the sheep.  He called out for help.  But when people heard him, they remembered how he had fooled them before…

January 14 at 10:35am

Christopher Woerner has never felt such a deep connection with Holden Caulfield before.

January 14 at 12:54pm

Christopher Woerner thinks it would be awesome if Jodie Foster made a Catcher in the Rye movie.  Did J.D. Salinger ever make a statement about the death of John Lennon? Because some people might say it was his fault almost as much as Sarah Palin's and we already know she refuses to accept any responsibility for her actions.

Christopher Woerner would include a picture of the Muhammed cartoons, but it might be seen as uncivil speech and an incitement to violence.

January 14 at 1:50pm

If you don't wish to buy a book, perhaps throw some money towards these singers.

"Jumpin' Jack Flash" by Aretha Franklin
"It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday" by BoysIImen
"Learning To Fall" by Chickenfoot
"Proud Mary" by Ike and Tina Turner

From October 2010:

I wonder what's going on with Al Gore's divorce these days.  There would never be so little gossip if Sarah Palin were getting divorced, and she never even got to be Vice-President.

I wonder what's going on with Al Gore's son's drug bust these days.  The media would never be so incurious if it were Sarah Palin's son busted for drugs, and she never even got to be Vice-President.

I wonder how Al Gore is enjoying his latest enormous mansion.  Environmentalists would never keep mum if Sarah Palin made such a carbon-unfriendly purchase, and she never even got to be Vice-President.

Has Al Gore ever addressed the weasels who fudged data about global warming?  People would never stand for Sarah Palin made trainloads of money selling something that strikingly resembled snake oil, and she never even got to be Vice-President.

Whatever happened to that guy Sarah Palin married?  He just fades into the background, almost like he's not threatened in the least by strong successful women.  You know, the kind of men feminists meet.

What do you want to bet he walks all over her at home?  He probably complains his dinner's cold and she should get him a beer so he can watch sports, ‘all hail king man’ style.  Real feminists use anger and make-up sex to get pregnant like a fish uses a bicycle.  

If you liked this post but don't want to buy a book, perhaps contribute to some of the musicians who made it possible.

Van Halen, "Don't Tell Me What Love Can Do"
Slash, featuring Fergie, "Beautiful Dangerous"
Trans-Siberian Orchestra, "Christmas Canon Rock"
Gene Chandler, "Duke of Earl"

I might actually have straightened my PayPal account out. Woot. Hopefully more to come, both in terms of blogging and book publishing.

World Tour 2012

I'm not doing anything except staring at the computer screen, posting on a website, thinking some more, and posting the next step. So screw it.

If you're interested in having me show up somewhere in your neighborhood, post an address here or on Facebook. I have 30 days of vacation, starting Monday, and around 130 copies of my book. Virtually everything and everyone on the list of people I want to see is east of the Rockies. I intend to hit the West Coast in some way shape or form, but most of the remote locations would be driving by, taking a picture, and moving on with no incentive to stop. I could knock those out in a few days of hard driving without a reason to stop.

Here's your chance. Starting Monday, give me an address and a point-of-contact, either here or on Facebook. I'll see how you can be worked in to my itinerary and we'll arrange a meeting. If you're a musician, writer, artist, we can film collaborate, who knows? Maybe I'll say or do something stupid and get thrown out of the Army when I'm done. Soon I'll be one of the hopeless ramblers at one of the Occupy Movements, raping people and spilling feces everywhere. I'll blame George W. Bush for bringing me to such a degraded state. At the very least, I'll sell you a copy of "Life and Polonia."

I didn't spend any time at the original fort walls in Clarksville, Indiana. I might as well try that comic book store across the river that had locally-produced work for sale. There's also a couple of historical sites in the near South that I'll go see. Right now I'm trying to figure out how to work those into the trip home to the Midwest to see my family. Those are the priorities. Further information on this will be released as it unfolds.

Nothing illegal or that interferes with my safe return at the required time. There are limits to the terms of my leave, so obviously those have to be observed. I'm a boring person too. That said, comic books, politics, pop culture, beer, there must be some way to kill a few hours. Give me a point of contact and an address, I'll find some way to sell you a book.